11/12/2014
Experience shared by a dropper who wasted 3 years for JEE
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There are many students who canât crack JEE even after second attempt and waste three years time of their life for this opportunity. Such students generally lose all confidence in themselves but let me tell you JEE is not everything, your JEE score is not correct measure to decide your intelligence.
Below there is story of Ayoosh Kathuria, who also couldnât crack jee after three years of effort.
I know how people tell you âitâs just an examâ coz itâs fu***ng not. 3 years of my life I toiled hard for it. I graduated school without even asking a girl out. Missed watching âThe Dark Knight Risesâ with my friends. I missed out on the christmas party of my last school year. Gave up coding. Forced myself (unsuccessfully) to become a problem solving drone working 10 hours a day. Here am I about to turn 19, and I feel I just fu***ng wasted 3 years of my teenage life. Iâd never have good high school anecdotes to tell because I was buried in books.
Initially the drop year sucked. Iâd open Facebook to see so many of my friends posting pics about their new college life. First day of college. Fresher Party and they all seemed so fu***ng happy. Then here was I, stuck with books in my small room, still trying to mug what color various metal sulfides were. Yet clung onto the hope that Iâd emerge with a good rank later and everything would be fine.
Throughout the drop year, which continued to suck, I found I wasnât really fit for JEE. I was more into âlearningâ and studying for a sake of an exam never really appealed to me. I was terrible at memorization. Iâve always held learning in high regard, thinking of it as being the basis of human civilization. To study for an exam made me feel disgusted. My teachers told me to put my curiosity aside and turn my self into a problem solving drone. I believed i could strike a balance, and I had never been so wrong.
The fateful day finally arrived. 25th May. I screwed up big time. The first paper didnât have any negative marking. I forgot to take notice. I attempted only 39 out 60. Chemistry was horrible. Maths was fine. Physics was decent. I knew it wasnât making it. Yet again. It hit me like a speeding truck. Yet again.
The first week was pathetic. I seemed to have lost all faith in my capabilities. Feelings of desperation, worthlessness, brain damaged self respect were seriously screwing me. I went through a lot of bad feelings. Feeling that I am a disappointment to my parents. feeling that Iâd spent my entire life in mediocrity. I never wanted to bag a Nobel Prize, or become the next Einstein, but Iâd aspire to have my nifty research lab where Iâll contemplate the secrets of the universe. That dream was dissolving in thin air. Iâd doubt..I canât clear an exam..what would I do? After around 10 days of lying around as a hopeless wretch, I finally started introspecting. I paused, reflected and reflected yet again. Sh*tloads of introspection. How life would have been different had I done things differently. Then, one fine day, no, one fu***ng awesome day it hit me. It was nothing short of a revelation.
Throughout the time I had gone through a terrible feelings; disgust, disappointment, lack of worthiness, but fear was not one of them. Fear was not one of them. I had read somewhere that love is letting go of fear and maybe this was it. I loved Physics! I really did. My love for Physics was irrespective of whether I made into some trophy college or not. It was irrespective of whether I got the top grades or not. I just loved doing it, and that would be my advice to you.
You need to tie to your life to a cause, something that turns you on. I know this feels like hippie cliched bu****it, but believe me, itâs true. Maybe you love computer games, thought about designing them? Maybe you want to earn s**t loads of money and wear expensive clothes and drive fancy cars? Maybe you want to become a photographer. Just because you couldnât clear an exam doesnât mean all possibilities are shut. Quite the contrary our civilization is entering in such a stage where a someone is fully capable of reinventing and educating themselves if they are willing to put an extra mile. There so many many, so many, free courses on the internet from where you can learn stuff in case your college sucks. Do something you love. If you donât know what you love, pick up something you like. If you donât know what you like, then just keep looking.
Iâve started a lot of things lately. Iâve actually started taking a Basic Physics course from Yale university. Iâve decided to take coding back again and I am now learning to build websites. I found an awesome guide how to go about that by a fellow Quoran. Someday Iâll try to muster up a web development business to fund my education. Iâve also started to go on driving lessons with dad, something I had been withholding due to my âJEE preparationsâ. Iâve started helping mum in kitchen and running some errands. Iâve also picked up some books to read. These tiny little things, these baby steps go a long way. Realize that you are not your JEE score, but a fully fledged young adult who is ready to shake the world, and youâll not do that just because you didnât clear JEE? Do you know how big of a injustice is that to your capabilities?
Sometimes I am disturbed by the things that society can do to you. It can make you doubt yourself, make you think you are a a disappointment at your parents. The scandalous bitch whoâd certainly find excuses to call my mum just so she could rub on her sonâs failure in JEE. The stupid guy next door who knows nothing about engineering , yet has the audacity to pass a judgement on your career because you couldnât clear an exam. The fat aunty who says âIIT ki to juch baat hi aur haiâ. My dad laughed on me when I told I am taking this Physics Course online. Believe me, you shouldnât be really bothered about what society thinks. People laugh. itâs what they do, donât bother about them.
Most of them think a six hour objective test is a yardstick to measure someoneâs intellect. So many things can go wrong during the exam. Maybe you got constipated during the morning and feel like crapping during the exam. What if there is a hot girl right the examination hall?. You shouldnât really tie your life to a fickle thing as an exam. More than you fail the exam, the exam will fail you. Tie your life to goals. Principles like hard work, honest, sincerity. An exam will wreck you, and once the exam is over, youâll loose motivation. Principles will stay with you forever. So many IITians lack motivation they used to have when preparing for JEE. What happened? They got their priorities fu**ed up. They invested in an exam, not principles. Once exam was done so were they.
I wanted to study Physics at IIT Kanpur, as it seems to be a place from where a lot of big names in Physics from India come from. But thatâs not possible now. So what? Life is what you make of it. I started looking at other places to study Physics. I canât go to DU as I donât have sky rocketing board percentages. NIT Surat offers a Physics program, but the last date of application passed when I was distraught with my failure. Same for Shiv Nadar university. I simply didnât like the Physics structure of BIT Mesra. DTUâs engineering Physics program is equally pathetic.
Oh crap! F**k reservation. Rant. Move on. As of now, my last hope is BITS Goa. The cutoff for physics was 279 last year. Never above 282 in past 5 years. I got 289. So thereâs hope.
If that doesnât work out. Iâd take up Electrical Engineering in some NIT (Hamirpur?) and go for a masters in Physics. Maybe I could work for DRDO and help make my country strong in Defense.
If that doesnât even work out, Iâd dedicate myself to improving quality of education in the country. So people like me donât have to suffer. Iâll join some NGO. IAS? whatever. Heck, Iâd be the MHRD minister of this country and bring on the learning revolution. Watch Out Smriti Irani! (Not really, please donât hurt me Modi Ji)
You see, after screwing up everything, there is still hope. But despite failing, the dream lives on. Hope is a very important thing in life mate, hold it tightly. I know why itâs hard for you. Never in our lives we have worked so doggedly for something, and it certainly hurts when not much comes out of it. I know all this may not make sense to you know, but cling onto hope until it does. Best of luck, mate.
