Social work consultation, conferences and family mediation

Social work consultation, conferences and family mediation I am an experienced social worker offering consultations, family mediation and conferences. I help families reorganize after a separation or divorce.

My work is influenced by non violent communication from Marshall Rosenberg. NVC is an internationally recognized way of dealing with conflicts and helping people meet their needs. I believe that there are alternative paths to dealing with conflict situations that need not destroy lives. I treat conflicts as an opportunity to learn and develop ways to meet the underlying needs that the conflict is

but a symptom of.

6 sessions of mediation are paid for by the Quebec government for all families with children. I work from my office in Granby but travel for conferences. Contact me at [email protected] or 450-776-0272.

Such an important piece of better understanding yourself.
07/08/2022

Such an important piece of better understanding yourself.

When you first learn about polyvagal theory it can be easy to assume some nervous system modes are superior and some are inferior. However, each neural circuit serves a vital purpose, and none of them are bad!

👉 Read more about the nervous system: Linktr.ee/TraumaGeek

🌠 This work is made possible by patron members at www.patreon.com/TraumaGeek

🧠 If you'd like to chat with me about polyvagal theory and the nervous system, you can schedule a time here: www.calendly.com/TraumaGeek

08/12/2021

When you first learn about polyvagal theory it can be easy to assume some nervous system modes are superior and some are inferior. However, each neural circuit serves a vital purpose, and none of them are bad!

👉 Read more about the nervous system: Linktr.ee/TraumaGeek

🌠 This work is made possible by patron members at www.patreon.com/TraumaGeek

🧠 If you'd like to chat with me about polyvagal theory and the nervous system, you can schedule a time here: www.calendly.com/TraumaGeek

08/05/2021
10/01/2020

For anyone who'd like to understand a bit more about their autonomic nervous system and stress responses, I created this little graphic.

Our nervous system is constantly scanning the environment for signs of safety and danger, with the aim of setting responses in motion to keep us safe (alive!).

đŸ„° When we are sensing safety, we are there in the centre, feeling calm and connected. Our ventral vagal nerve complex, which is responsible for social engagement, is switched on.

The ventral vagal also acts as a kind of container for the other branches of the nervous system (sympathetic and dorsal vagal), helping to keep us on track with a gentle up and down rhythm (“homeostasis”).

Sometimes we’ll be more active, like when we're playing, dancing, or vacuuming. These things take a bit of activation from the sympathetic nervous system, to give us the energy to move.

Other times, we'll be more still, like when we are cuddling, relaxing, resting or meditating, and these things involve a little bit of activation of the dorsal vagal nerve complex so that we can remain still.

But all the while, when our ventral vagal is activated, we're feeling safe, we're feeling good, like "we've got this".

😡 When our amydgala unconsciously perceives a threat (via "neuroception") in our environment (e.g. an alarm going off), relationships (e.g. our child crying, our partner snapping at us), or internally (e.g. a worrying thought, an uncomfortable sensation) our sympathetic nervous system automatically becomes activated.

It triggers a release of adrenaline and cortisol, and we feel the energy in our body rising, preparing us for movement (mobilization), in an attempt to keep us safe from the perceived threat.

We might be compelled to use that energy to run away from the threat, escaping from the situation (“flight”). Or if that is not likely to be successful, we may experience an urge to lash out verbally or physically to confront the threat (“fight”).

Either way, the situation will feel “urgent”, like we need to resolve it immediately.

đŸ„¶ If these responses don't help to resolve the threat, our nervous system can have so much sympathetic activation that it is overwhelming, and our dorsal vagal nerve complex will kick in to shut it down.

Its purpose is to make us more still (immobilized) in an attempt to help us survive the threat, and then allow us to get back to fighting or fleeing.

We might “fawn”, where our self expression will be “toned down”. We might unconsciously do or say things that are not true to ourselves, in order to make us appear less threatening to the aggressor, and therefore more safe.

And if that doesn't work, we might go into “freeze”, where we still have quite a lot of sympathetic activation, but our movement is very limited. At the very least, in this state we will be numb, no longer feeling the emotional or physical pain of an attack.

Finally, if the dorsal vagal is jammed on with no sympathetic activation, we can collapse or “flop”, which is an attempt to keep us safe by feigning death.

꩜ We are not designed to stay in any of these stress responses for very long. Ideally, once the danger has passed, our nervous system returns (back along the spiral) to a safe state fairly quickly.

꩜ Those of us who have experienced chronic stress or trauma are more prone both to sensing threat and reaching the point of overwhelm. We also tend to get “stuck” in the different protective states.

꩜ The further we get in the stress response (the spiral outwards), the further away we become from feeling connected to our body and our authentic self. We can become so mobilized that we are out of control, or so immobilized that we dissociate or collapse.

꩜ I've found that just tracking where we are in the spiral throughout our day can be helpful. Knowing that these states happen unconsciously and automatically in the service of helping us to survive, rather than by choice, can also help us to feel more compassion for ourselves (and others).

꩜ What can help even more is to get intimate with our own nervous system, to explore what triggers us into these protective states and what resources can help us to return to a sense safety, and to keep building the “muscle” that brings us back to our centre.

đŸ„° These are some of the things that Angela Hill of Kinnect and I will be covering in our program, Rewire Through Regulation and Repair, while offering a safe and supportive environment in which to practice together.

We'll be running our next round in October 2020, and you can find more information and sign up to be notified of future rounds on our website rewireforparenting.com.

đŸ€” The information presented is based on Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory, and is my take on Deb Dana's "Polyvagal Ladder". However, Fawn is not an explicitly recognised state in Porges' work.

09/02/2020

If you're flipping between over-activated and under-activated, you might not be spending enough time in Ventral Vagus blended states.

There are 2 Ventral Vagus blended states that are super important: Play and Stillness

- Play is a blend of sympathetic fight/flight activation with Ventral Vagus safety.

- Stillness is a blend of Dorsal Vagus immobilization with Ventral Vagus safety.

People who are traumatized tend to have dominant sympathetic or Dorsal Vagus responses (or both). These strengths can be used to help us heal if we blend those types of activation with Ventral Vagus activation.

Another reason for flipping between over-activated and under-activated: you might be spending a lot of time in the blended state of Fawn, otherwise known as appeasement or masking.

- Fawn is a blended state of sympathetic fight/flight activation and Dorsal Vagus shutdown. The sympathetic energy gives us the ability to act and move, while the Dorsal Vagus energy inhibits parts of our consciousness, allowing us to prioritize other people's expectations over our True Self.

For short bursts of time, Fawn is useful to help us avoid dangerous confrontations, but it's not designed for long-term protection. When we use Fawn long-term, it puts stress on the body, because the sympathetic energy is resource heavy. This drains our adrenals.

When we have the adrenal resources to fully be in both states at the same time, we might feel very up. When the adrenal resources are drained, we might feel very down. If we are able to rest enough to replenish those resources, we might feel very up again. This flipping of moods can be exacerbated by drinking caffeine or doing highly stimulating activities.

In both cases, bringing in some Ventral Vagus activation can help balance the nervous system and allow the other states to function optimally. The ventral vagus works sort of like a container for the other systems. If it is engaged, it holds the other processes in an envelope of safety. If it's not engaged, we feel the full effects of the other states, and our moods get more and more extreme.

📗 Read more about the nervous system: linktr.ee/TraumaGeek

🌠This work is made possible by patrons at www.patreon.com/TraumaGeek

đŸŒș If you want to chat with me one-on-one about trauma, neurodivergence, or the nervous system, you can schedule here: www.calendly.com/TraumaGeek

08/15/2020
07/19/2020

Toddlerhood - the Initiation into How To Use Personal Power
The research from neuroscience is clear: the training ground for all cultural violence is childhood, especially during toddlerhood. When a toddler is coming into their autonomy, things can go can go one of two ways. Either the child will be guided to use their personal power with-and-within The Power Dynamic of Partnership; or the adult will ‘manage the child’ with-and-within The Power Dynamic of Domination.

In the Dynamic of Partnership, the adult understands their role as the ‘older, kinder, wiser’ support for the toddler or child. The adult learns the partnership skills required to support the toddler as she learns to manage the extremely powerful energies of personal will, personal power and emotions that arise in situations when it isn’t going smoothly for the toddler. To get a feeling of this, ponder on how you might respond to each of scenarios:

‱ Someone forcing you to do something (using actual physical force, manhandling you).
‱ Someone making you do something - or else.
‱ Someone ordering you to do something, and they start counting, “1. 2. 3
”

I have run this quiz with hundreds of parents and teachers, and so far not one person has wanted to be treated in any of the above ways. All three examples are behaviours from within the Power Dynamic of Domination, and all three are common responses by parents and teachers to babies and young children: think holding the toddler down to get the nappy on, counting to ten because we want them to put their toys away. Now!

Toddlers are the same species as we are, and they too resist the use of power from the Dynamic of Domination - only they’re smaller so they lose. Toddlers are also really quick learners. When adults practice the skills inherent in the power Dynamic of Partnership, the toddlers’ levels of cooperation and self regulation regularly astound adults who haven’t seen children parented or cared for in this way. True partnership IS astounding, and every baby comes EXPECTING that, it’s genetically encoded. The ball is in our court now 


06/24/2020


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This is an EXCELLENT add on to the feelings wheel adapted by including somatic sensations which are crucial to body therapy including sexual pleasure work.

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