09/06/2026
There's a friendship most of us have had at some point: the one where you're always on duty. Listening, steadying, propping things up. And you keep showing up, because that's what you do, because it feels kind, because walking away feels worse.
Transactional Analysis has a name for the pattern underneath it. The Drama Triangle maps three roles we slide between, Rescuer, Persecutor and Victim, and none of them are quite as they appear on the surface. The Rescuer position feels generous, and often genuinely is. But it carries a quiet assumption about the other person's helplessness. And it has a payoff for the person doing the rescuing too: feeling needed, feeling good, having somewhere to put your attention that isn't your own life.
The seat is comfortable, until it isn't. At some point the unthanked helper tips into resentment or martyrdom, and the roles rotate. That weary, faintly used feeling is the tell. Not a sign the friendship is failing, but a sign that a triangle has been turning.
The move isn't to cut someone off in a flush of self-protection. It's quieter than that: noticing which corner you keep landing in, recognising the pull to rescue as something that belongs to you, and wondering what a more level, honest exchange might actually look like. That's usually where the real friendship starts.
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Has this pattern ever shown up in your own friendships or your work with clients? We'd love to hear what you notice.