08/06/2020
Day One of Infant Mental Health Awareness Week - 'What is infant mental health and why does it matter?'
This baby you're soothing might one day be a man ringing to tell you he's split up with his partner and he's completely devastated.
This baby you're holding close might one day be a woman who rings to tell you she's had another miscarriage and that her world has fallen apart.
This baby you're chatting to might one day be a man who calls to tell you he's lost his job unexpectedly and he doesn't know how he will pay his rent.
Life 'happens' - it touches us all. There is no avoiding it. There are ups and downs, good times, hard times, easy seasons and stretching ones. When life is hard you subconsciously look to your 'mental health toolkit' in order to cope. 'Toolkits' vary hugely person to person, depending on the experiences they have had.
How we are with our babies in the early years matters. It's shaping what goes in that toolkit. These are future adults who, thanks to your care NOW, will have better 'tools' for managing the harder parts of life later.
Mental health relates to a person's psychological and emotional well-being. Mental health affects how you think, feel, and behave. Everyone has 'mental health' it affects us all.
So - where does it start?
Technically it starts developing in utero and is influenced by things such as maternal stress level. If Mum's stress levels are very high over a prolonged period it sends a message to the unborn baby interpreted as "Ok Mum, you're really stressed, it must be a pretty stressful place out there! I'll start getting ready for it.' This can begin to prime a baby's nervous system for high stress. But we're focusing this week on mental health once baby is earth side. So when does that start? When they start talking? Age 2? School?
No. It starts from day one, hour one. How do you treat me. How do you look at me. What does your face do when it sees me? Do you look engaged and pleased I'm here or do you not really notice me. Do you hold me when I need holding? Do you comfort me when I need comforting? Do you try to understand me? Do I matter to you? Is my emotional experience important to you? When I have a problem and need you do you try to help me or do you usually leave me, hoping I figure it out by myself? When my stress levels are high, do you help me calm down? Do you 'see' me? Do you hear me? Am I meaningful to you or am I "just a baby". Do you tune in and see the world through my eyes?
How you are with me in these early years matters. It's how I learn about myself and who I am. It's how I learn that I have value. It's how I learn that I should expect to be treated well. It's how I learn about my feelings and emotions, and how to manage them. It's how I learn to have the confidence to speak up and know my voice counts. It's how I learn to manage problems well - because my body hasn't been programmed to be overwhelmed by them, I know I can overcome and manage difficult things because when I was little we did difficult things together so now I'm an adult that means I'm better at doing difficult things by myself.
Please don't think all this effort and 24/7 care of me is pointless or all for nothing. It's the opposite. How you are with me is my foundations going in. My foundations affect my mental health both now and in the future. Foundations when they're done well, make a building strong. You DON'T have to get it right all the time for me to thrive, research has suggested you just need to do it a third of the time (Dan Siegel). When you get it wrong, don't panic, just try to make it right again by 'repairing' our connection.
Please try to see my world through my eyes and keep me in your mind. When you do, it's not only my day that gets brighter, but my future too.
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