31/08/2020
#311
To,
someone,
EXTC
After i left BATU as a graduate, "unsympathetic struggle for proving myself" has completely taken over me, like it happens with anyone else. i rarely have a time to think about my past. but i still remember life of my 3rd and final year when i was in love with you and also was able to see you everyday.
sometimes seeking for rest i read my diaries ( which i had regularly kept ) of that particular era of my life, and i realize, on each and every page i had written about my search , search of you, search of happiness, i had written about the place where i was able to see you, about the dress which you were wearing and about stuff you were doing.
i really cannot differentiate about that period
whether it was best of times or worst
whether i was going direct to heaven or another way
whether it was epoch of belief or incredulity
whether it was season of light or darkness
whether it was spring of hope or winter of despair
whether i had everything before me or nothing
but definitely this reading soothes me and at the same time induces a painful and desperate loneliness in me
i regret about something ,
i feel myself yours
i long to be yours.....
PS: 3-year-old post.
