11/23/2025
Nobody Thinks About You That Much
In an individualistic culture, it seems to be widely assumed that everybody is intently watching us. That time you tripped on the sidewalk? God, everyone STILL talks about it. That time you snorted out a bit of coffee on a first date? It’s been the only thing on your date’s mind. Of course, in addition to that, the entire cafe replayed it in their minds in slow motion, and has since formed a support group to discuss the incident. Right?
Or maybe not.
Maybe someone noticed the snort. Maybe they even thought about it for a moment. Jeez, that’s a lot of coffee. Whatever was the case in that scenario, here is the broad (and possibly difficult) truth: nobody, and I mean nobody, is thinking about you all that much. Think about all of the thoughts you have in a day. Now, multiply that by the millions of people living in New York City. The majority of those thoughts are more than likely about each individual’s own stumbles, misfortunes, and interpersonal problems. While it may soothe the ego to think so, we are just not the main character in everyone else’s story, and we do not need their approval. REBT calls this out as an irrational belief:“Everyone must approve of me, and if they don’t, it’s catastrophic.” Catastrophic? Hardly. Embarrassing? Sure. But life-ruining? Only if you decide to make it so. The “musts” are what transform a spilled drink into a personal Greek tragedy.
With this notion comes an acceptance. It may be difficult to accept that we are less important to the general public than we’d like to be. However, I revel in the freedom that is found here. Go ahead and wear the ugly-cute thing you can’t find an occasion for. Dance on the subway platform to music only present in your headphones. Ask a server for “the usual” knowing damn well you’ve never been to that restaurant. As you do all of these and more, notice how the world keeps on turning, life feels more fun, and at the very worst, you’re someone’s funny story to bring home to their family.
