09/18/2023
๐ฆ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ถ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐๐ฎ has been a dedicated professional in the counseling field since 2008 after receiving her MS in Counseling from ODU. Having lived and worked in two countries she has acquired an extensive skill set and broad range of work experiences. She has been a teacher, trainer, and program manager for a counseling training & research center. Shabari has been a counselor for a youth center, an international school and for corporations.
Now a National Certified Counselor, public speaker and self-employed counselor. As a life-long learner she continues her education studying organizational psychology and wellness in the multicultural context and is about to finish her Ph.D. One of the many things that impressed me during our conversation is, as busy as she is, she is a remarkably balanced and joyful person.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ท๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ถ๐ป?
I did my masterโs in counseling at Old Dominion University.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ผ๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐ป๐๐ฒ๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด?
Actually, my undergraduate degree was in economics and government. I worked for financial companies before I went to ODU. At one company a counselor who was running a program on effectiveness in the workplace spoke about mental health. I realized I wanted to do that at some point. Moneywise, It wasn't working out until I got married, moved to Norfolk, and then decided to change careers. ODU was right there, so it worked out.
๐ช๐ต๐ถ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฐ๐น๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐ณ๐ฒ๐๐๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฒ๐ป๐ท๐ผ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐บ๐ผ๐๐?
My advisor, Dr. โWoodyโ Schwitzer was the person I connected with the most. I was his research assistant, and he was one of the best bosses I've ever had. Because of him and the assistantship, I had opportunities I couldnโt have had otherwise. It was just great.
In terms of classes, I loved all the counseling theory classes. Learning the theory behind counseling and why people do what they do was why I joined the counseling program at ODU. I really got a lot from my experience at ODU.
๐๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ ๐ด๐ผ ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ข๐น๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ถ๐ป๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐จ๐ป๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ถ๐๐, ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ด๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ?
I would tell myself to take my time. I think I was in a big rush to finish. I could have used more opportunities that were presented to me.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐น๐น ๐ฒ๐
๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ข๐๐จ ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต ๐๐ผ๐?
The counseling program is really a professional degree geared to help me graduate and work in the field. I'm in a doctoral program now, and I can look back and say that my program gave me the tools to do what I do. I was prepared to be a professional counselor eligible for a licensure in the U.S.
In India, thereโs no formal structure or legal requirements counselors have to follow. As soon as I moved back, I was asked to teach masterโs students. I was dropped into it, but I had the resources I needed to be able to do that just from my master's degree.
I also learned a lot about myself. The nature of the counseling program is such that you have to be reflective. I went into the counseling program not fully knowing what I wanted to do when I graduated. Now I really enjoy what I do.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐๐ต ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ผ๐บ ๐ข๐๐จ ๐ด๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐โ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐?
I worked in a Virginia Beach youth shelter for six months called Seton House. It was a good experience because it threw me in the deep end. Honestly when I look back, a lot of what I know today was from my experience there, working just for those few months.
Then I moved to India and started teaching masterโs students counseling. I also worked at an IB international school in Bangalore. That was an interesting experience because the students were from Europe, America, and all over the world. Their fathers were posted in India by the multinational companies they worked for. I was kind of hand-holding the students and their parents to adjust to India.
Then I started counseling for a nonprofit. I was teaching and training as well as seeing clients there. When Covid happened, suddenly I was thrown into doing corporate workshops and helping people adjust to the lockdown. It was a difficult time, and mental health became a very needed thing at the time.
Now Iโm doing a Ph.D. program at the University of Holy Cross in New Orleans. Actually my dissertation advisor happens to be an old professor from ODU, Dr. Ted Remley.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐๐ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ท๐ผ๐ฏ?
I like helping people and I really believe counseling works. It's rewarding. I'm not saying I help everyone every time because obviously itโs based on the individual's experience. Since I believe in the concepts and the principles, I can see that if I stick to the rules I learned at ODU, I can help. Also, I like looking at why people do things. I'm curious about social constructs.
๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ถ๐ฐ๐๐น๐ฎ๐ฟ ๐๐ธ๐ถ๐น๐น ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐น๐ ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐บ๐ผ๐๐; ๐ฎ ๐๐ธ๐ถ๐น๐น ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ธ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ฎ๐น ๐๐ผ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ?
I think, when in doubt, I just go back to active listening. What I've always believed in, and what I still do, is if you can really hear the person and reflect back their experience, then that solves a lot of what they're going through. Thatโs what I learned at ODU. I remember my professors asking us to not ask any questions at all, stay with clients and just reflect. Just by doing that you can really make a difference. There are other things you can add, but I really believe that reflecting is the basis.
๐ช๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ ๐๐ป ๐ณ๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐?
One thing I learned is that life is not predictable, but I hope to be done with my Ph.D. by the end of this year.
After that, I think, doing more research, spending more time writing, and perhaps teaching. Counseling regulations are changing in the U.S. regarding licensure, so there are possibilities at some point. But for now, I will continue doing what Iโm doing in India. I like my work here.
๐๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐ถ๐๐๐๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐น๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฑ ๐ฎ ๐ฏ๐ถ๐ด ๐ถ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ? ๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ธ ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ถ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ?Due to the fact that we've been shut down in India for two years, students are really struggling now. Parents keep coming to me saying their children have missed out on two years of education and students are struggling to adjust back to school. Also, there are mental health issues that adolescents are experiencing because they're not meant to be locked up as teenagers. They need to go out and meet people, and theyโve been stuck at home for two years.
๐ฌ๐ผ๐'๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ฒ๐น๐น๐ป๐ฒ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐บ๐๐น๐๐ถ๐ฐ๐๐น๐๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐น ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐
๐. ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐ป๐๐ฒ๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ณ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ป๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐บ๐๐น๐๐ถ๐ฐ๐๐น๐๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐น ๐๐ฒ๐น๐น๐ป๐ฒ๐๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ฒ๐
๐?
The family structure in India is quite different. A lot of young people live with their parents and even multi-generational family systems. Thereโs a lot of expectations on married women. They are expected to do all the housework, take care of the kids, and manage their professional responsibilities. During Covid resources that women had access to were no longer available. Many women would talk to me about these difficulties they were facing.
In the workplace for students there are other things that come up when they deal with their bosses. Communication styles are different. Managers complain that their employees will not do a task, but will not tell them they're not going to do the task either. Culturally, it can be hard for an employee to tell their superior that they canโt do something.
So, how do you set expectations at home with your family or in the workplace? It can put a lot of stress on people.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ณ๐ถ๐ป๐ถ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐๐?
I would say at various points of my life that I would have answered this question differently. If you asked me in my twenties I would have said I wanted to be famous and make a lot of money.
Now that I have kids, itโs important to me that they are taken care of. I also value my relationships and that I'm emotionally and mentally engaged with what I do professionally. Of course, physical health and financial stability are very important.
Just making sure that I am well and other people around me are well. If all those things are in place and balanced, then I can say I am reasonably successful.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ต๐ผ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐๐๐ถ๐บ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ?
I've been doing a lot of exercise related things, playing badminton, cycling, and running. I love traveling, at least once a year. Also, I love reading and experimenting with food. Unfortunately, I don't get enough time with everything else going on.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ผ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ธ๐ถ๐น๐น๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ป?
The thing I'm working on right now is my thesis, so practicing writing is my focus. I can write a reflection paper, but a critical or research paper, anything like that is really hard for me. So I would like to be better at writing.
๐ก๐ฎ๐บ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ ๐ถ๐บ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐น๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ต๐ถ๐ฝ๐.
I think it comes back to listening better, which is the clichรฉ I know, but it's true. And also, I think practicing mindfulness so people are not reacting from defensiveness. Defensiveness blocks communication and when communication gets blocked things just escalate into something else.
๐ง๐ฒ๐น๐น ๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ๐'๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฑ ๐ผ๐ณ.
I'm proud of the fact that I've been able to balance my life so far. At different times it's been challenging. Definitely the Covid period was very, very challenging. My kids were five and seven at that time. So, navigating family and Covid things and managing professionally and just trying to keep everything going. That would be my largest thing Iโm proud of.
Also, I like the fact that I keep going and keep looking for opportunities. Trying to, you know, figure out how to make the best of whatever opportunities I have and do as much as I can. I wouldn't say it's perfect. It's always a work in progress. But again, that's the keeping going part.
๐๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐น๐น ๐ฝ๐ต๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฝ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ป๐๐๐ฎ๐ด๐ฟ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐ ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ป๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐ฏ๐น๐ฒ๐บ๐ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐๐ป๐ด ๐ธ๐ถ๐ฑ๐?Yeah, definitely. I really feel that it's affecting people's ability to focus and to be mindful about being present. If you're continuously getting pinged on your phone, it really disturbs being present.
I think we spend far too much time looking at what other people are doing and feeling inadequate compared to them, than actually just being present and noticing what we are doing and appreciating that. Even with traveling, it seems like more people are more concerned with taking pictures and putting them online than actually sitting and being present in the places theyโre at.
I've spoken to psychiatrists, and it's affected attention spans. It's a new world, and I think we're all navigating and trying to balance there, too, like how much time you spend online.
๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฒ๐น๐๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฑ?
In general, my experience with ODU was really good. The research assistantship when Dr. Schwitzer offered it to me, was totally unexpected. So I got opportunities to do things as a part of that. When you asked me what I would have told myself back then; slowing down would have meant taking opportunities. There were fantastic opportunities, I could have done more research then. So I think, yeah, I think I would want students to know that that's not the end. They don't realize how much time is left in their lives, so take opportunities.
Thatโs the biggest thing I want people to know: make the most of the present and be mindful. That's a work-in-progress for me too.